Parts And Accessories

How do you make your toilet pretty and more pleasant to visit?

When I was growing up, I had this aunt who attached the most spectacular seat to the toilet in her bathroom. It was this plush, pink foam thing that was extremely decorative (some might call it ‘girlie’) and glorious to sit on. The problem was that because it was so thick and frilly, it stubbornly refused to stay up when I went to do Number One. During family visits in which I had to use her washroom, I would raise the seat and rest it against the tank, only to find that as soon as I let go it would fall back down on the rim with a muffled thock .

Giving the seat a mild twist and then pressing it hard against the tank might buy a few seconds, but the seat would gradually and inexplicably collapse forward like a cheap drunk, often while I was in the middle of urinating. The only solution (besides emasculating myself by sitting down to pee) was to hold it against the tank with my hand while I did my business, which required more hand-eye coordination than I, as a gangly nine-year-old, possessed. Ironically, my aunt also had one of those cute little poems next to the toilet admonishing me not to whiz on the seat.

The accessories you put in your bathroom need to look good of course, but they should also make the experience of using the toilet more pleasant. That means appealing to more than just one of our senses: a bathroom needs to smell as decent as possible, the toilet paper needs to feel good on our backsides, and anything your bathroom can do to muffle those embarrassing noises we make while on the john for those standing outside the door is always appreciated.

It also never hurts to appeal to the intellect by supplying magazines for those commode composers whose, um, movements have a slower tempo than others. As well, it’s vital to practice good sanitation with your accessories, which means having an antibacterial soap ready at the sink and changing your hand towels on a regular basis. Making sure all the parts of your toilet are in good working order is also a nice courtesy to pay houseguests and family members alike.

And ladies, if you’re going to attach a decorative toilet seat, make sure it stands up against the tank. We promise to put it back down once we’re finished!